Subject line care of Jewel.
When I was on my way out to the Fruit Loop today, it took me just a few blocks into Downtown Milwaukee to realize that I just entered one of those levels of Hell that is distinctly my own: Riversplash. Puh. According to propaganda, it's a three-day Summer "party celebration" that kicks off the Milwaukee festival season. Here are my problems with Riversplash:
1. Pridefest kicks off the Milwaukee festival season. Sorry; it just does. Besides, no one wants the sometimes-first/sometimes-second weekend in June, because half of the time it is absolutely PERFECT out... and the other half of the time we have tornado warnings and torrential downpours. So, really, the city needs to deal with the fact that homos introduce the festival season.
2. July will bring a certain amount of uncomfy whining from me because Summerfest makes the Lakefront inconvenient and the traffic is annoying and eh... but really, it's contained. It's the Lakefront - I can just take side streets to the East Side or take 794 to the South Side. But Riversplash? Takes over the random middle section of Downtown in the vague vicinity of Grand Avenue Mall. WTF? To get to the South Side from the East Side, you have to... just kill yourself, basically. I practically had to go all the way to Brewer's Hill to get to the South Side, and when you're coming from the instant death zone where Riverwest meets Brady Street, that's just way too far to be on a detour.
3. Drunken stupidness. I realize it's Wisconsin and, more to the point, Milwaukee, and that we DRINK. We might as well put beer in the bubblers, because people just drink that much. So, it's not that I'm not used to drunken stupidness, but drunken stupidness is reserved for certain areas so that you can conveniently avoid them - and so that, if you happen to be eating out late, you can get a good view of the Bar Close Zombie Walk if that's your cup of tea. Like, the Lakefront end of North Avenue, Brady Street (as a whole), Water Street (ever square inch), and National are drunken territory - don't expect to be able to make a left turn without your life flashing before your eyes, don't expect any sort of traffic laws to necessarily apply to anyone, and don't expect to actually get anywhere within a reasonable amount of time. Riversplash is crammed into Downtown, forcing its occupants to park in various parts of Downtown as far out as Water and Brewer's Hill, and since it's so close to Water, many make a pub crawlin' night of it, and so there's just way too many pedestrians out for Milwaukee to handle. Water Street pedestrians are already asking to be run over - Riversplash invites pedestrians who should be sniped before they get to the end of the curb.
4. It's boring. Sorry, it is. The only thing there is alcohol and hot dog carts. And alcohol ain't that special in Milwaukee.
5. Three DAYS?
6. It really begs the question: why don't we have more people Downtown who aren't drunken 'tards at Riversplash? More pointedly, it begs the question: why aren't we encouraging more cultural outlets than the joke of a "theatre district" instead of building more crappy, overpriced condo projects? Hmm, Scott Walker?
7. This is somewhat cumulative: I'm already pissed at drunken asshats in the Downtown area, especially when it's a totally acceptable hour for sensible, non-drunken non-asshats to be going out. Add heat, and you're already testing my patience, even when I have the AC on because the air in the car is so dry and the air outside is so humid that I'm creating a small high-pressure system just above my windshield. Add either a ridiculous amount of rent-a-cops or a ridiculously small amount of teenie-tiny 1"x2" "this street closed" signs and I'm just ready to hurt someone, and I'm behind the wheel of a motor vehicle.
I am not going Downtown this weekend if someone pays me. Maybe to the North Side if the necessity presents itself, but no Downtown, no Walker's Point, no East Side. Period.
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1 comments:
Interesting to know.
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